What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 01:27
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was 9 years of age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
How do I find a transgender girlfriend?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
How might an Indian girl respond to someone saying "I love you"?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Is anal sex allowed in Islam? It's not written anywhere in the Quran whether it's forbidden or not.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What are the pros and cons of a prospective bride/groom not having any siblings?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Ive learnt so much.
Why do some people tell the girl I like that I don’t like her when I do like her?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
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He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
What is the Abu Shusha massacre in Palestine?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
How do I develop the patience to read books?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Is it recommended to leave a note in a lost wallet asking for it to be returned?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Is heroin really as good as people say it is?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I will be 64.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Was to survive, this bastard.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was seconnd youngest,
I couldn’t, believe it.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I have no regrets .
This is soul school!.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He resisted the act ,that day.
So, i spoilt her more .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My family never makes their pension either.
What did i know ?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But it wasn’t much.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But, we were locked up after school.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I was very sick at this time too.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I was scared of men, in general
She married twice! .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I write beautiful poetry .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She wouldn,t have been !
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It was going to be , some day.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Comes on , in middle age.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were not on the streets..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
When she asked me how she looked .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We all went to grammer schools
All the time i was locked up.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She loved him until the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I never cut or harmed myself..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Would this be the day?
I waited trembling.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was in good health!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i do to all so called friends.?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He knew the spot.
She found it foreign!.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I think the readers, may guess!
Who then, do I blame.?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Im still living with it.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Put me off passion for life!!
And i lived it daily.
I said to her
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I don,t even have a pension.
One cannot live in the past .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So whats the point in blame.
My life is so biszare .